


Blinding Pain

by atmosphere_zero



Category: SCREW (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 10:37:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16038764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atmosphere_zero/pseuds/atmosphere_zero
Summary: Can the unknown love ease this blinding pain?Disclaimer:I am in no way affiliated with the bands, people, artists, and musicians mentioned in the stories. The stories are a work of pure fiction and is in no way meant to represent or reflect the real bands, people, artists, and musicians mentioned in any way. Any similarities are pure coincidences. I do not make anything off of the stories as these are simply meant for pure entertainment. No harm or disrespect in any way is intended. I do not own anything except for the stories themselves.Original Post on LJ:Part 1 -If he could tighten the gap… what would he find out?, Part 2 -Time flew by faster than he imagined. It had been a year already.[Original Date:22 February 2012]Story was written for paranoiascreams in the jrock_valentine exchange in 2012. This was my first story with this pairing, so apologies in advance for any awkward writing. Many thanks to my beta-reader, misfitmisfit (on LJ), for reading this one over! More thoughts at the end.





	Blinding Pain

“Phew. I made it home in one piece.” he muttered to himself.

He searched through his keys looking for the one that would open his door until he accidentally dropped them on the floor. “Ah, goddammit.”

He noticed on his watch that the time was eight. They got off of practice late because Manabu kept getting distracted during practice. He smirked when he thought about it. He quickly opened the door after he picked up his keys and found the right one.

He loudly sighed when he opened the door and was greeted by the darkness and an empty apartment. He turned on a couple light switches and shut the door behind him. He stood in the doorway for a while letting the image soak in his mind.

That night when he came home from work… The horrible truth was exposed. This had to be a lie, a nightmare, and a bad dream. Anything, but the truth. He remembered walking around in the city late at night. He didn’t watch where he was going as people pushed him back and forth. But what did he care? No one cared. 

He ended up sitting on some cold bench for the entire night. He had on a thin jacket so he was frigid, but where could he go with someone to greet him with warm arms? He did his best to hide his tears, but the silent tears gleamed in the dark night. He tried not to sob, but he let tiny hiccups escape his mouth. He couldn’t exactly remember when he fell asleep, but he woke up the next morning with sore, puffy eyes at the same place. No one bothered to come looking for him. It was truly over.

He slipped off his shoes at the doorway throwing his keys on the counter table near the entrance. He headed inside his living room resting his workbag on the floor and his guitar case against the wall. He turned on the television as a variety show appeared on the screen. He plopped down on the couch and stared up at the white ceiling walls pondering about today’s practice session.

He raised his hand up to examine it. With this hand he had done many things. He had played his guitar, patted good luck to his band mates, and even held that person’s precious hand with great affection.

He took his hand down as he continued to sit there. He chuckled when he thought about Manabu getting distracted today during practice. He played the wrong notes and everyone went ballistic. Okay, maybe not, but everyone called him out for it. Luckily, being a nice guy, he saved Manabu out of that bind.

Lately, he noticed Manabu constantly looking over at him. Not that he minded people staring at his handsomeness, but… The feeling of Manabu staring at him… Kazuki felt exposed and embarrassed. Bah, why would someone like him who wasn’t afraid to make a fool of himself on camera be shy of this?!

Kazuki noticed himself getting distracted during recording sessions when he worked with Manabu. He was able to conceal his mistakes and waved it off to the others that he played the wrong note. He was glad even Manabu got fooled, although Manabu did scold at him to pay more attention next time.

The thought occurred to him. Why did he save Manabu from that mortifying moment? Kazuki only covered for him because… Well… Hrm… He would have completely embarrassed Manabu before… Baah… What was he thinking about? That was what happened with his last lover. 

They had met each other when Kazuki was first in Tokyo. It was by pure coincidence. He believed it was fate that brought them together. They had gotten closer than he could have imagined. Any time he wasn’t playing music, he dedicated his time to that person. He knew all of that person’s odd quirks and pet peeves. They had gotten to know each other more than friends. That person even withstood his stupid jokes and dumb pranks. For once, he was able to make someone else genuinely smile.

In fact, they had been lovers for several years. Their relationship seemed unbreakable. Every waking moment he had, he spent with that person. Nothing could stand in his way.

Even so, was he just not good enough? What did he ever do wrong? That was the only question he ever asked. He would never know and it bothered him. How could he go on living like this? His life seemed almost meaningless.

This empty house brought back too many haunting memories. If he could, he would move, but for some reason he wasn’t ever truly able to leave this place. Was he bound to this place because of what happened? Or was he simply torturing himself of those once distant, fond memories?

As he headed inside his room and went towards the closet, he bumped into his desk causing his picture frame to tumble. He slowly reached for the frame. It was of them on a beach catching fish and playing ball. Even though he told himself to throw it away, he never could. Every time he tried to throw it, he just couldn’t.

He pushed it against his chest and lowered his head. He knelt down to the ground as he hugged the picture frame. He couldn’t stand the throbbing in his heart. He should have moved on a long time ago, but how could he? How could he so easily forget his first true love?

He pushed himself up and uneasily placed the picture frame back on the table. He shook his head as he realized his vision going a little misty. He sniffled and rubbed his nose. What was he doing? He was wasting time on something that would never come back… something he could never have again.

He rummaged through his closet noticing the empty spaces on the shelves. He grimaced at the sight. He lived here alone. Most people would have been happy to be single, but not him… despite the façade he presented to the public. He reached for his camera and shut the closet door. Everything about this place reminded him of his life before. Not now. Now, he had nothing other than his band mates. 

He thought about how tonight was going to be a quiescent evening. He could go out to take some pictures and get his mind off of these troublesome worries.

As he gathered his belongings, he thought about how he lied to Byou and Jin that he was busy tonight. He wasn’t really busy. In fact, he was all by himself. No one lived with or next to him. The apartment right next to his was vacated for several months. No one lived close by him. He lived at the end of the hallway and the only company he really had were his neighbors, but they had their own lives. In fact, he lived in a world of loneliness.

Before he exited his apartment, he headed over towards his workbag and dug through it.

“Hrm, where is it? I know I took it…” he muttered. “Aha! Got it!”

He found a bag of seaweed chips. Manabu had offered it to him during lunch, but he refused because he didn’t want to look like he mooched off of Manabu since he always forgot his lunch. Secretly, though, he was happy Manabu was considerate to him. He decided to steal it when Manabu wasn’t there because… Well… He didn’t want someone else eating it. It was meant for him.

With all of his necessary bags and equipment, he left his apartment with that bag of seaweed chips in his hand. While he searched for his apartment keys, he heard another couple coming back from somewhere.

“It was so cold outside.” the girl whispered as she tightly gripped onto the guy’s hand.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be warm inside.” he reassured her as he searched through his keys.

Kazuki tried his best not to look, but he couldn’t help from enviously glancing over. When he cranked his neck, he didn’t see the couple. Instead, he saw himself fumbling through the keys while Manabu impatiently waited right next to him.

“You’re too slow.” Manabu crossed his arms.

“Ahh, I have to find which one is the right one.” Kazuki fumbled through the keys.

“Shouldn’t you know which one is which since you live here?” Manabu pointed out.

He managed to unlock the door as Manabu finished speaking. “Hrm? What were you saying?”

“Whatever.” Manabu rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, he saw himself pecking Manabu’s cheek in which Manabu became immediately flustered. “Kazuki! Stop being ridiculous. Let’s go inside.”

“And do what?” Kazuki purposely asked.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, you idiot.” Manabu playfully punched him.

“Owie!” Kazuki faked his pain and rubbed his arm.

His reverie broke when he heard the door close shut. He was startled to find no one else in the hallway. Huh? He blinked his eyes to make sure he wasn’t going crazy. No, it was still the same hallway… except there was no Manabu… and him together.

He headed out to his car and drove down to the beach. As he sat in the car, the soft, squishy two halves of a heart hung around the view mirror dangling in the air. He longingly gazed at the two parts of a heart. 

He remembered picking these out with that person too long ago… It was to resemble how they could never separate; that they would love and trust in each other. They promised that to each other ever since they got together. 

He shifted his eyes away as he turned up the radio. It was some cheesy love song. Normally, he wouldn't listen to it, but that was all he could listen to nowadays. Sometimes, he even sang to it. He found it lame since he was a visual kei rocker person, but lately that was the only thing, which could ease the unsettling pain within his heart.

His mind wandered back to Manabu. He thought about the days when he tickled and played pranks on Manabu. One time, Rui secretly told Kazuki that they looked and acted like a married couple. Were they that intimate? It couldn’t be love… could it?

Ever since last year, he carried deep thoughts about love. Why did humans completely open their hearts to someone only to have it torn into irreplaceable pieces? Wasn’t love supposed to nurture the heart? Not break it. The questions boggled his mind. Love was transient and as puzzling as time.

He wanted to keep his friendship relationship with Manabu. He couldn’t bear going through anything with Manabu. He wanted to remain friends. At least then nothing would happen. He could spare Manabu any sort of pain. He kept on repeating that to himself, but he loathed those thoughts. He couldn’t bear to see Manabu by himself. What happened if someone beat him to it and confessed his love first? Then what? What would become of him? And what would Manabu’s answer be?

Dear God… what should he do? Could someone help guide him tonight?

He rolled up to the parking meter, stopped the engine, and grabbed his equipment. As he fed the parking meter some coins, he thought about those days when he would go on late night dates. He would stay up late until he passed out with that person… This beach was one of the places he used to go with that person.

Just like with everything else in his apartment, he couldn’t stop coming here. How could he when he was ready to devote his life only to find out that his trust meant nothing? Regardless of however he acted at work, he knew trust between two people was intangible and fickle. It was easy to break and take away in a heartbeat. Yes, because that had happened to him once before, and he never wanted to experience that same kind of pain again. Yet his heart was unknowingly reaching out for it… What was he to do in this complex dilemma?

Manabu had sped down on the highway not focusing on the road signs. He was preoccupied thinking about today. He had screwed up on numerous songs all because he kept on shifting his attention towards Kazuki. His band mates called him out for it wondering how he could make such mistakes. He was highly embarrassed but luckily Kazuki saved him by suggesting for the group to take a break. God, Kazuki always got him out of a bind.

Only recently he had been thinking about Kazuki in depth. He even asked Kazuki to spend time with him outside of their practice sessions, but the silly guitarist declined saying he was busy. He wondered what Kazuki did outside of the studio, but Kazuki never spoke much about his personal life so Manabu figured he shouldn’t pry into it.

Tonight, Manabu didn’t bother asking Kazuki to hang out since he already declined to hang out with Byou and Jin. But the other days, he inquired receiving that same response of being busy. He tightened his grip on the handlebars. Couldn’t Kazuki see? Manabu sighed to himself. Was it useless to feel this way for the prankster?

He started to realize that the roads were becoming unfamiliar and strange to him. Hmm? Where was he? He peered up at the road sign and realized he was in a strange, new place. Huh? Shit. What exit did he take this time? Goddammit. How could he get out of here?

He parked his motorcycle near the parking meters. Shit. Where was he? He decided to go explore hoping to find someone. He heard the waters roaring and lonely seagulls chirping. Hmm? Where was he?

As he treaded along the sidewalk, he noticed an occasional couple strolling along. He embarrassingly shifted his view away. Gah, he couldn’t bear to look at other people being so lovey. It almost depressed him. When they passed by, he remembered to ask where he was, but it was too late. They were long gone far ahead of him. He sighed. Hopefully, there would be someone else.

When he traveled deeper, he started to find less people. Shit. Maybe he should turn back. Before he left, someone caught his eye. Someone on the sand was strolling around with a bag strapped around his shoulder. Manabu wondered who it was. He was about to call out for that person, but that person turned around with a camera in his hands. Manabu ducked down behind the measly grasses planted in the sandy ground. The sight was unbelievable. It was Kazuki taking pictures. Kazuki? What was he doing here?

Kazuki’s face was solemn and melancholy. It was odd seeing Kazuki in such a down state. For a while, Kazuki snapped some photos and examined them after he took it. Manabu wondered of what he was taking pictures. Eventually, Kazuki sat down on the sandy ground putting his camera away. He peered up to the sky as the wind breezed against his skin. 

Manabu wished he could sit next to Kazuki and ask him what was bothering him. He wanted to be that person who could give Kazuki warmth, but he was never a good comforter. Someone like him couldn’t possibly cheer up Kazuki.

He noticed the distance between them… If he could tighten the gap… what would he find out? Would Kazuki return his same feelings?

Kazuki gazed up at the starry sky. Tonight was particularly bright. The big stars and the huge, yellow moon illuminated the dark sky. The universe above him was endless. Just like the dreams and hopes he once held.

He deeply breathed in and then took a moment before breathing out. He peered over at his side imagining a faded image of that person sitting next to his side. They used to pointlessly sit here and forget about the real world.

He zipped open his bag and snuck out the bag of seaweed chips. Ah, good thing Manabu wasn’t here or he would be super pissed. Even if he was here… Hrm… He would make up some story that… he didn’t know how it got here and it must have mysteriously fallen in his bag.

Manabu narrowed his eyes when he saw Kazuki take out some snack. Hmm? The color of the plastic bag seemed familiar. Seaweed? Hold on a second. That was the same one he brought to work! He originally offered it Kazuki, but he refused saying he wasn’t hungry. He remembered when he returned to the studio the bag disappeared. He asked Kazuki where it went but Kazuki feigned ignorance.

_“Seriously, where did it go? I left it right on top of my bag.” Manabu pointed at the spot where it was._

_“I don’t know. I was just sitting here.” Kazuki shrugged his shoulders._

_“Kazuki! You were the only one here. Don’t play dumb with me.” Manabu folded his arms._

_“Have you ever considered the fact that the bag of chips maybe grew some feet and ran away?” Kazuki fabricated._

_“Kazuki!” Manabu stomped his foot._

_“Oh! Maybe Rui took it to bring home to feed it to his cat. Ooor Jin stole to feed it to Byou!” Kazuki preposterously fabricated._

_“Why the hell would Rui or Jin steal it?” Manabu raised his eyebrow._

_“Well… Maybe his cat likes seaweed or Byou likes chips. Oh, my! I should ask!” Kazuki jumped up from his seat. “Hold on. I’ll go investigate!”_

_“Wait, Kazuki! Kazuki!” Manabu called after him, but Kazuki dashed out of there as quickly as he could. “Dammit. Forget it. Why do I try?”_

That liar! He actually took it for himself. Manabu should have guessed it was Kazuki. At the same time, Manabu was elated that Kazuki was eating it. It meant that he liked eating seaweed.

He had actually brought that bag of seaweed chips because he knew Kazuki would forget his snack as always. Of course he lied to Kazuki and said he happened to bring an extra, but Kazuki said he didn’t need it. Humph. Well, if Kazuki wanted it, why didn’t he just say it?

Even though it was a bag of normal chips of seaweed, every chip tasted delicious and overwhelming. He ate it all too quickly that it disappeared just as fast as he opened it. He shook the bag upside down to make sure he ate each one, but there was no more.

“Dammit. They should pack more in these things.” Kazuki pouted.

Kazuki crushed the bag and tossed it into the garbage can without even getting up. The bag flew up in a U-shape before landing on the trashcan and falling into the pit hole of garbage. “Aha! I made it in because I’m awesome. Oh, yeah… Oh, yeah!”

Manabu couldn’t restrain from smiling. Kazuki could be so silly sometimes, but the silliness he presented right now was different than the one he showed at work. This one seemed more carefree and relaxed. It wasn’t forced.

Only a silent low howl of the wind followed Kazuki’s sentence. He tried his best to wear a smile, but it hastily faded away. He solemnly stared at the hollow space surrounding him. Nothing… was around him except the barren sand.

“What are you looking at?” Manabu’s cynical tone suddenly echoed in his mind.

“Nothing in particular. What are you talking about?” Kazuki responded.

“Stop looking behind you and start noticing what’s in front.” Manabu advised him.

Kazuki retorted. “Oh, what, Confucius? Now you’re giving me advice on life?”

When he didn’t receive a response, he stood up and unexpectedly raised his voice. “Huh? Come on. I’m talking to you!”

Manabu froze watching a half-manic Kazuki holding his own conversation. Was he going delusional in his own thoughts? He gripped onto the measly grass.

“Kazuki, what’s wrong with you?” Manabu whispered to himself.

An ethereal figure of Manabu appeared right before him standing a little behind the shoreline. Before Kazuki had time to register what was going on, the ethereal figure was floating backward into the ocean.

“No! Wait! Waaiiit!” Kazuki frantically chased after it. “You haven’t answered me yet!”

He furiously dashed after it until he lost his footing and almost tripped on the sand, but luckily caught his balance. He peered up and found no Manabu. He solemnly gazed at the decorated scenery in front of him. 

Goddammit. What crazy image was he concocting in his own stupid head? Out of all people, why was it Manabu?

He couldn’t feel that way for Manabu. He wasn’t ready to trust someone again. Well, He… He didn’t know if he was ready to experience the pain of loving someone again. Loving meant opening the heart, but his heart was full of scars. He couldn’t let it bleed again. Perhaps it was better living a life of being single. That way he wouldn’t have to bear the pain of this uncertainty.

But… could he truly let go of his feelings for Manabu?

“Dammit, Manabu. Where are you right now?” Kazuki whispered to himself as a single shard of tear rolled down his cheek.

For some reason, he felt as if Manabu wasn’t too far away, but that was a preposterous idea. Manabu had better things to do than to stalk him. For once, he almost wished Manabu were standing here by his side.

“Manabu…”

Manabu wasn’t sure what Kazuki was doing at the shoreline, but he couldn’t see his face anymore. He figured it would be better to leave this place before Kazuki caught him. He didn’t want Kazuki knowing that he rudely stepped inside his bubble. No, Kazuki wouldn’t like that.

Manabu quietly stood up and started to silently walk away. Before he completely distanced himself, he stole one more look over at Kazuki who still had his back faced towards him.

That night was certainly beautiful. It was just the two of them. It was as if the night belonged to only them. The sight was certainly breathtaking, but nothing could beat Manabu’s sight of Kazuki in front of him. He couldn’t ask for anything more right now even if he couldn’t be physically close.

XOXOXOXO

Ever since that night Manabu discovered Kazuki at the beach, he decided to go to the beach every night. Sometimes Kazuki was there, other times Kazuki wasn’t. He wondered where else Kazuki went. If only he was privy to such information.

On the days Manabu saw Kazuki, he took photos, but most of the time he simply sat there studying the ocean waves crashing onto the shore. Other times, he strolled down the beach as the wind breezed against his face. Manabu savored these moments. It was the only time he got to see Kazuki be a different person. He didn’t wear his irritating, jokester façade. In fact, he was more serious than Manabu could ever imagine.

On the other days when Kazuki wasn’t there, Manabu positioned himself where Kazuki would have stood. He envisioned Kazuki gazing out at this beautiful sight. He understood why Kazuki loved this magnificent sight. The only limits were your imagination. Nothing could hold you back. Did Kazuki think these same thoughts? Or was he reminiscing something here he did long ago?

XOXOXOXO

That next weekend Manabu headed to the art gallery where it hosted newer, unknown artists and freelancers. He peered through the art gallery hoping to find that one anonymous photographer. There were always these certain pictures of the scenic view that he loved and it was always by that same anonymous photographer. Manabu yearned to know more about the photographer, but the only thing he knew was that the photographer liked taking long strolls on the beach.

He spotted a new photo. This time it was high above capturing the zooming lights glaring in the photo while the city office buildings lit up as meek white fluorescent lights. Cars and trucks bustled by while the people seemed like little stick figures. It was hard to make out the people, but the neon signs of bars and restaurants hanging on the side of the building were visible to the naked eye. Manabu immediately became attracted to the photograph. He wondered why… these photos were lonely. Why were they sad even though there was an abundance of life? At the same time, there was a feeling of tranquility as if time halted and there was only the fresh breath to take in at that moment.

He decided he had to buy this one. To no coincidence, he noticed it was by that same anonymous photographer. He wondered… who was this anonymous photographer? He really wanted to sit down and have a chat with the guy. Where did this guy get the inspiration to take these amazing photos?

He softly sighed to himself as he stared at the photo. What was this anonymous person thinking when he saw this view? What was there that he were looking for that was no longer there?

XOXOXOXO

Kazuki showed up on Monday with his guitar case ready to practice. He slammed the door open and rushed down the hallway to reach the lounge room. The lounge room was spacious and had one huge couch facing the wall as well as several seats and chairs scattered throughout the place. There was a huge table sitting before the couch with a bunch of miscellaneous items such as food wrappers, soda cans, and random papers. On the sides were shelves of music recordings and other studio equipment. It was a hard place to squeeze through when there were too many people, but it was a comfortable area.

He expected to find Manabu in the lounge room silently practicing on his guitar. But to his surprise, he spotted Rui on the phone. Who was Rui speaking to? In the background, he heard the loud pounding drums. Jin must have been warming up for practice. Byou was sitting down next to Rui holding a cigarette in his hand with the noxious smoke wavering in the air.

Kazuki placed his guitar case down on the floor while hanging his jackets on one of the chairs diagonally facing Byou and Rui. He took a seat anxiously waiting for Rui to be done.

“Okay. Take care and rest well. Bye bye.” Rui hung up. He turned his head over towards Byou. “Yeah, it seems like he’s sick.”

“A cold?” Byou curiously asked.

“I don’t know. He said he had a bad headache and didn’t want to come in today.” Rui shrugged his shoulders.

“Who are you guys talking about?” Kazuki wedged his way into the conversation.

“Manabu.”

Kazuki froze hearing Manabu’s name. Manabu was sick? Oh, no. How did Manabu fall ill? Millions of horrible scenarios ran through his head… With none of them having a good ending. “Huh? Manabu? Sick? That’s impossible!”

“He said he had a headache and wanted to rest.” Rui explained to him. “Ah, I’m going to miss Manabu today.”

Manabu really wasn’t going to be here at practice? The thought worried him. Even though Manabu was a horrible talker, he usually conversed with Manabu. It was his only way to survive the workday! Okay, maybe not, but… he could actually have peaceful conversations and funny moments with Manabu. He didn’t have to feel worried about messing up especially when he heard Manabu pluck on his guitar strings. No one would help guide him in their songs.

Without Manabu, the band decided to continue practice as best as they could. Kazuki kept on glancing over at the voided spot. It was odd and awkward without having Manabu there.

“Kazuki! That was the wrong note for the sixth time.” Jin threw his drumstick at Kazuki.

“Owie! Sorry.” Kazuki rubbed his head. “You know that hurts.”

“You were starting to play something incoherent. Are you okay? Don’t tell me you’ve got a headache too?” Jin crossed his arms.

“Oh, no. Seriously?” Rui worriedly piped in.

“No, no, no. I’m fine. I was wondering if we should go visit Manabu.” Kazuki suggested.

“Now? We have to practice.” Byou stated.

“But it’s mean to leave him there alone.” Kazuki immediately backed himself up.

“If we all left, the president would be really mad. I don’t think she would like it.” Rui stroked his chin trying to devise some plan.

“Manabu isn’t a baby. He can take care of himself.” Jin went over to pick up his drumstick.

“Oh, I know. Maybe after work.” Rui offered an idea.

“What? But Byou and I made plans to go eat out tonight.” Jin pointed out.

Rui sighed, “You’re right. I have an appointment with the pet salon.”

“Pet salon?” Byou incredulously stared over at Rui.

“Yeah, for Maru-san. She’s getting a special salon treatment today.” Rui excitedly said.

Jin and Byou blinked their eyes dumbfounded by Rui’s statement. Kazuki didn’t like how they were veering off topic.

“Come on. It’s not like Manabu is sick everyday, guys.” Kazuki tried to make them come.

“Oh, I got a better idea.” Jin snapped his fingers. “Why don't you go by yourself and represent for all of us? Besides, you’re the leader.”

“What? You can’t be serious!” Kazuki, suddenly, was getting very nervous and afraid of the idea.

“Yeah! And make sure to bring some flowers. It’s always nice to bring flowers.” Rui added on.

“No, Byou! Please tell them that they’re crazy!” Kazuki begged to him. He was the only person who could save him.

“Hmm. Well, I think I have to agree.” Byou totally didn’t help his case.

“Nooo! I hate all of you!” Kazuki cried out in defeat.

It wasn’t as if he despised going over to Manabu’s place. In fact, he was curious what Manabu’s place was like. He had never been there… Ahh! Digression! The fact was… he didn’t want anything awkward happening. Okay. All he had to do was to act cool and not do anything strange. Yes, he could do that. Err, at least make an attempt.

“Oh, don’t forget to take a picture of the receipt and the flowers. Or else we won’t know if you bought it for real.” Rui innocently stated.

“Goddammit. I hate all of you.” Kazuki muttered under his breath.

XOXOXOXO

Manabu lied on the couch with the television on. He was having a massive headache. He didn’t feel too well to go to practice. Goddammit. He snuggled under the blanket hoping somehow his headache could go away. Other than the sound of the television, he heard the loud ticking of the clock. Everywhere else in the house was empty and soundless. He sighed. He wished he could fall asleep.

Ding! Dong!

Hmm? Who was knocking on the door at this time? Perhaps it was the mailman. He had ordered a package for the newest videogame. Geez, he had to come at this time. Before he even got a chance to roll out of the couch, the doorbell furiously rang again.

“Coming!” Manabu hollered. “Geez, what an impatient mailman.”

Kazuki nervously paced outside of Manabu’s doorstep. Dammit. His band mates rigged him into going alone to visit Manabu. Not to mention, he had to freaking give some bouquet of flowers. Bah! It wasn’t as if Manabu and him were dating. He despised his band mates at the moment. Hopefully Manabu would like the choices of flowers Kazuki chose for him.

Kazuki paused and stood up straight when he heard the door click open.

“Hello-” Manabu was about to naturally greet until he spotted Kazuki. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Hey, that’s not a very nice greeting! I come all this way to visit you because you have a headache and this is how you greet me?” Kazuki intentionally made a big fuss.

“I just wasn’t expecting anyone. Okay? Geez.” Manabu partially hid behind the door.

“Uh-huh.” Kazuki waited at his doorstep waiting for Manabu to invite him inside, but Manabu merely stared at him. Goddammit. He didn’t want to show these flowers to Manabu. Bah, Manabu wasn’t giving him a choice. “Err… Well, here!”

Kazuki awkwardly shoved a bouquet of flowers into Manabu’s face. Manabu was surprised by the amount of flowers and had no choice but to take a hold of it in his hands. He was surprised as to why it was all roses. He sniffed its lovely scent. Did this secretly mean something else?

“Well, I tried to find get well flowers, but they didn’t have any. All they had was roses. So I supposed getting this was better than nothing.” Kazuki shyly explained himself.

Actually, the store had some, but for some reason he felt compelled to get roses instead of ordinary flowers. Normal flowers didn’t do any justice especially for someone as beautiful as Manabu.

Manabu slightly smiled. Even if Valentine’s Day was coming, flower stores carried other types of flowers as well. As much as Kazuki tried to hide it, Manbu could see through his story. He was delighted that Kazuki gave him roses. Although if that was the case, did Kazuki truly feel the same for him? Or perchance playing him? It couldn’t be, could it? Instead of saying anything awkward, Manabu said, “It’s because Valentine’s Day is coming soon.”

Kazuki peered up at Manabu who opened the door wider for him to come inside. The first thing he noticed was Manabu’s pajamas. It was all covered in tiny, cuddly animals jumping around the place with an adorable look. He couldn’t take his eyes off since it looked too cute on Manabu.

“What are you staring at?” Manabu was growing uncomfortable by Kazuki gazing at him with his intense eyes.

“I didn’t peg you for the person who would wear such a cuddly pajama.” Kazuki remarked.

Manabu glanced down at his pajamas. Bah! How could he forget he was wearing this?! Damn Kazuki for coming over.

“Stop looking at me like that and get inside before I change my mind.” Manabu threatened him.

He didn’t want to lose sight of Manabu right now so he stepped inside.

“By the way, I brought some bentos for you to eat. I thought you might be hungry this late at night.”

“Hold on. I have to get changed and put these flowers in a vase.” Manabu opened one of his cabinets to find a vase.

“You know I think you look cute in those pajamas.” Kazuki let the words slip from his mouth.

Manabu violently turned around as his face fiercely blushed. “Kazuki! Stop being inappropriate.”

“How am I being inappropriate? I’m stating the truth.” Kazuki didn’t really register the words escaping from his mouth.

Manabu was beet red from Kazuki’s comment. Geez! Why was his heart thumping harder tonight? First, Kazuki saw him in these stupid pajamas and now he was commenting on how he looked in it. He hurriedly grabbed a vase and slipped the flowers inside. He would go fill it up with water later. He couldn’t stand Kazuki staring at him so intently.

“I’ll be back.” Manabu hastily put the vase on the coffee table and disappeared into his room.

“Hrm, I wonder why he was flustered…” Kazuki slowed down the speed of his articulation as he thought about what occurred.

Kazuki gasped and covered his mouth. “Oh, shit! Did I…? Hrm, but I couldn’t help myself. It was the truth.”

Kazuki placed the bag of bentos down taking note of the walls. It was nice, scenic photos. Hrm? Huh?! Kazuki rushed over to a set of photos. One of them was a cherry blossom tree swaying in the wind as the leaves danced. The other was the city nightlife from a tall, high building capturing a moment in time. The last one was of the beach. Oh, Jesus Christ!

“These… these are my photos. Oh, no. It’s got to be a coincidence. Why would Manabu have them all over his house?!” Kazuki squeaked at the sight.

He peered around Manabu’s house. All of his photos were framed on the walls. He turned back to the set of three photos. Goddammit. How did this end up happening?

“What gibberish are you muttering?” Manabu snuck up behind him.

“Ahhh!” Kazuki jumped back in shock and leaned against the table. “Uh… I… Uh… I was talking about how lovely these photos are… to, um… myself, of course.”

“Do you like them?” Manabu anxiously asked.

“Y-yeah. I think they’re pretty.” Kazuki agreed. How could he not? These were his works. Bah! That wasn’t important. How did Manabu… Why did Manabu buy his anonymous photos? “You?”

“I do, too. When I first laid my eyes on these photos, I felt I could connect with it. I don’t know why, though.” Manabu’s eyes examined the photos as if searching for an answer to something.

Manabu felt connected to the photos? Could it be that they were meant to have a connection?

Manabu finally took his eyes away after a long moment. He took the vase and headed into the kitchen to fill it up with water. Kazuki observed the way Manabu gently put the flowers in. He began to speculate what Manabu’s skin felt like. Was it soft and satin like silk? He yearned to wrap his arms around Manabu and kiss – Ahhhh! What the hell was he thinking? Stop it! Stop it! These farfetched thoughts had to stop taking over his mind!

“Is that the only reason why you like it?” Kazuki leaned on the counter table.

“There was something special about it. The photo seemed to be calling out for someone’s attention, I think.” Manabu filled the vase with water. “Anyway, why do you care?”

“Huh? Me? I was curious. That’s all.” Kazuki had to cover his own butt.

He took the time to soak in the setting of Manabu’s place. There was a small living room with a couch, a nice glass table, and a television with rows of videogames stacked on the shelves. It was quite convenient for the bar table and kitchen to be located right next to the living room. Kazuki presumed down the hall was the bathroom and Manabu’s room.

The blanket on the couch caught his eye. It was a green blanket with Pikachu wearing a red tie. Pikachu was performing tricks and even sleeping. Kazuki cracked a small smile. The blanket was childish and a bit small from where he was standing. He never took Manabu for a guy who would be into cute, fictional animals. Not to mention that it was an anime from his childhood days.

“You’re into the whole Pokemon thingy?” Kazuki randomly inquired.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Manabu, at first, was bewildered by his question.

“Your blanket.” Kazuki pointed out as he headed towards the couch. “I must say it looks incredibly adorable.”

Oh, shit! Kazuki was seeing everything of his personal life!!

“Kazuki! Don’t touch it!” Manabu angrily shouted.

Kazuki reached the couch and sat down on the blanket. Manabu tugged at the end of the blanket to get it away from Kazuki, but his strength was nowhere near Kazuki’s. “Goddammit… Kazuki… get… off…”

“Hehe.”

Instead of listening, Kazuki laid down on Manabu’s… whoa. Manabu had a pillow of a Squirtle. Could this guy get any nerdier? Although, Kazuki was more preoccupied by the mystic, sweet scent on the pillow. Was this Manabu’s cologne or natural scent?

Manabu grabbed the pillow and yanked it away from Kazuki.

“Ah! No! It was comfortable and squishy.” Kazuki pouted.

Manabu glared at Kazuki. “It’s not your pillow.”

“I can’t believe it’s Squirtle. That was such a long time ago.” Kazuki continued to rest his body on the couch. “I think my favorite was Charmander. What was yours?”

“What else do you think it is? Your head was resting on it.” Manabu rolled his eyes.

Squirtle? But Squirtle was water while Charmander was fire. Could the two Pokemons get along?

“Hrmm, they’re opposite elements, but I’m sure Charmander wouldn’t mind Squirtle to be his partner.” Kazuki stood up from the couch and approached Manabu. “They make up for each other’s weaknesses.”

Manabu would have retorted back at Kazuki’s statement, but Kazuki stood a few inches in front of him rendering his mind useless. Kazuki leaned in, took some of Manabu’s hair, and sniffed its scent. Manabu’s body tingled with an odd sensation. 

“Hrm… You have such a tempting fragrance. Makes me wonder what the rest of your body smells like.” Kazuki seductively whispered into his ear.

Manabu’s face grew into a fierce red blush. Manabu whacked Kazuki’s face with the pillow.

“Ahh! My precious, glamorous face!” Kazuki hollered as he protected his nose.

“Don't say such impudent things, Kazuki!” Manabu reprimanded him.

“I was giving you a compliment, though. How is that wrong?” Kazuki still had his nose covered.

“We… Only if we were together might that be appropriate.” Manabu grumpily muttered as he flung the pillow behind Kazuki and headed back into the kitchen.

The words struck Kazuki’s hearts like piercing arrows. He slowly uncovered his face. He might have shot something back at Manabu, but he was right. He was acting as if they were together when they were anything but. Manabu headed back into the kitchen throwing away the plastic wrap from the bouquet of roses. Was Manabu upset at him?

Manabu liked to hear the compliments from Kazuki, but… they weren’t dating. It was strange that a coworker would relay such words.

Kazuki turned his head to take a quick glimpse at the photo.

“Where did you buy these photos?” Kazuki spoke up to stir up a conversation.

“At an art gallery.” Manabu responded.

He expected Kazuki to interrogate him further, but there was no remark. When Manabu peered up, Kazuki was studying the photos up close.

He loudly sighed, “I missed the gallery yesterday. I was supposed to go again on Sunday, but I was having a bad headache so I missed the chance to purchase another one of the person’s photos.”

Kazuki glimpsed over at Manabu putting the flowers in one by one. He was astonished how Manabu hadn’t hurt himself yet especially with all of the thorns on a roses’ stem.

Hrm, Manabu was honestly interested in his works. An idea struck Kazuki’s mind.

“Hey! I have an idea. Why don’t we go somewhere together?” Kazuki haphazardly suggested. 

He was being impulsive and wanted to take Manabu out to see the beach. He had gone to many places by himself numerous times, but this time he wanted Manabu to come with him. He loathed being alone and it was a good opportunity to make up to Manabu who was probably upset at him.

“What?” Manabu could hardly believe it. Was Kazuki asking him to go somewhere? “But…”

“Oh, they say going out is the best way to get rid of any illness. Come on. I promise. It will be worth your while!” Kazuki persuaded him.

Manabu uneasily thought about it. Was Kazuki planning something else? Normally, he would have refused to go, but because Kazuki invited him he couldn’t protest in not going. “What about the bentos you brought?”

“Oh. We can bring those along to eat.” Kazuki hastily said. “Come on, Manabu. It’s getting late.”

“Hold on! Hold on! I hate when you spring things on me. I have to be prepared.” Manabu placed the vase on the coffee table and picked up the bentos sitting inside of a plastic bag.

“Hurry up! No time to waste!” Kazuki came from behind and pushed Manabu by grabbing onto his shoulders.

Manabu lightly gasped. He was astounded by Kazuki’s action. Kazuki was within distance of his body. Not to mention his arms were touching his shoulders. This was a turning into a dream come true. “Ah! Kazuki!”

Kazuki forced Manabu to quickly leave his place and shoved Manabu inside his car. Manabu didn’t like how Kazuki forced him to come along. Bah, he hated it. But at the same time he cherished this moment. He never spent any time with Kazuki before outside of the studio or practice room until now.

Kazuki had no idea what he was thinking. He just wanted to take Manabu away somewhere. The night was young and it felt right. He couldn’t quite explain it, but who cared? He was going to take Manabu somewhere special tonight.

He temporarily forgot his fears and uncertainties. Right now... he wanted to see Manabu smile.

As Kazuki drove down the highway, Manabu noticed the inside of Kazuki’s car. It was a bit smelly as bags of unhealthy snack foods and take-outs invaded the backseat. Some old clothes and dirty socks were scattered all over the place. Not to mention that beer bottles laid all over the car. There was even some on the floor in the passenger seat. It was almost as if Kazuki lived in his car. Meanwhile, a cheesy love song was playing on the radio. He certainty didn’t peg Kazuki to listen to these types of songs.

“Aren’t you glad to be out of your stuffy place?” Kazuki broke his train of thoughts.

Manabu stared over at Kazuki’s profile. “I suppose.”

Kazuki nervously tapped his fingers against his legs as he held the wheel with one hand. He wasn’t sure what to converse with Manabu without being weird.

“Hey, Kazuki?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you listening to these love songs?” Manabu inquired.

“Haha, I don’t know. I guess I never changed the channel since I bought the car, I think.” Kazuki fabricated some lame excuse.

“Idiot. I thought you’ve had this car for a year. How can you not change it?” Manabu stated.

A year. He had this car for that long? He did have it for that long. Time flew by faster than he imagined. It had been a year already.

Instead of responding, Kazuki focused his eyes on the road as Manabu noticed Kazuki’s grip on the wheel tighten. He was contemplating again. Something about the phrase one year triggered Kazuki to remain silence. He wondered what plagued his mind.

Manabu reached over and placed his hand over Kazuki’s. “I’m sorry if I said anything upsetting.”

Manabu was apologizing. Somehow, Manabu knew that certain fears existed within his heart. Kazuki’s instinct was to play a joke, but he simply smiled letting him know that he accepted the apology.

When Kazuki pulled into a parking space, Manabu took no time in recognizing this place. This place was the same beach Kazuki always came to after work. Why did Kazuki bring him here tonight?

“What is it?” Kazuki broke Manabu’s daydream.

“Nothing.” Manabu outright lied.

“Oh.” Kazuki expected Manabu to say more about the place, but he didn’t. “Alrighty! Let’s hurry then!”

“Let’s eat first. I’m hungry.” Manabu demanded.

“What? You want to eat at the beach?” Kazuki disappointedly inquired.

Before Manabu responded, Kazuki’s stomach loudly growled. Manabu incredulously stared at him. Kazuki shyly chuckled and scratched his head. “Ah, well. On that second thought, I guess we should eat first.”

They headed outside and ate in the picnic area on the benches. Kazuki let Manabu take a seat first and sat down right next to him. Manabu slowed his breathing down. Kazuki was sitting near him. This was the first time they would be sitting within hugging distance.

Kazuki set the bento box in front of Manabu and himself with the chopstick on top of the box.

“Itadakimasu!” Kazuki clapped his hands together.

When Manabu opened the box, he spotted lots of different meats and vegetables as well as rice. It seemed a bit bigger than most bento boxes. He wondered where Kazuki bought this.

Manabu picked up his chopstick and was about to eat, but looked over at Kazuki who already stuffed his mouth with food.

“Do you like it?” Kazuki inquired with his mouth full of food.

“I haven’t tried it yet.” Manabu answered.

“Eat, eat! It’s going to get cold!” Kazuki said after he swallowed his food.

He gracefully poked his chopstick into his rice and gently pinched it together putting a little bit in his mouth. Kazuki watched how beautiful and proper Manabu ate. He shifted his eyes back at his own bento. Manabu was completely different than him. He ate so sloppy yet Manabu ate so proper.

Kazuki decided to eat in smaller portions as well. Manabu saw Kazuki awkwardly eating in smaller sizes. Their eyes both met and they both immediately looked away. Goddammit. This was the first time they ate outside of the studio and it was completely awkward.

Kazuki unconsciously stuffed big wads of rice in his mouth hoping to ease the tension. God. For once, he wasn’t sure what to say. He saw Manabu try to helpless pick up a piece of meat. An idea lit up in his mind. He quickly swallowed the rice down and asked, “Are you having trouble picking it up?”

“What? N-no.” Manabu embarrassingly denied.

“Here! Let me help you.” Kazuki put down his own box and picked up a piece of meat in Manabu’s box.

Kazuki picked up the meat with ease and lifted it up. Manabu stared at Kazuki as if he was stupid. Kazuki waved the piece of meat in the air waiting for Manabu to open his mouth, but he continued to stare at him.

“Oh, come on, Manabu. I’m helping you to eat.” Kazuki encouragingly said.

Manabu knew what Kazuki was trying to do. Only couples fed each other. Friends definitely didn’t do this! Kazuki frowned. He had to find some way for Manabu to open his mouth. Oh!

“Fine. I’ll just call you… Manabu-chan.” Kazuki purposely said. He knew Manabu didn’t like being addressed in a cutesy manner.

“What? You know how much I-” Manabu opened his mouth, but wasn’t able to finish his sentence since Kazuki stuffed the food inside of Manabu’s mouth.

Manabu glared over at Kazuki and grudgingly ate the meat. Kazuki chuckled at the sight. “Hehe.”

“Oh! You can always feed me.” Kazuki giddily suggested.

“No.” Manabu immediately refused.

“Aww, okay. But if you ever change your mind…” Kazuki nudged his arm.

Manabu was abashed and avoided Kazuki’s eyes. Goddammit. He actually fed him. He wouldn’t have minded… if they were actually dating; not hanging out with ambiguous feelings for each other.

For the rest of the time, they mostly ate in tense silent. Manabu watched Kazuki sloppily eat his meal and finish in no time. By the time Kazuki ate everything, Manabu only ate half of his meal.

“Hrm, you eat kind of slow.” Kazuki remarked.

Manabu turned over his head and spotted particles of meat on Kazuki’s mouth. “You eat like a slob.”

“Huh? What are you talking about? I eat like a man.” Kazuki was befuddled by Manabu’s statement.

Manabu picked up the napkin next to Kazuki’s box and began to wipe his mouth.

“Whap… are... ywo... dwoing?” Kazuki tried to ask.

“Wiping your mouth, idiot. You ate all over your mouth.” Manabu furiously wiped over Kazuki’s mouth, get rid of the food particles.

Kazuki was highly embarrassed. Manabu had just wiped his mouth! Argh, Manabu was treating him like a kid. Instead of turning his face away, he spotted a piece of vegetable on the edge of Manabu’s mouth. He smiled and leaned in closer to Manabu. Manabu’s heart started to thump harder as he froze. Kazuki stuck out his tongue and licked at the edge of Manabu’s mouth. Manabu was startled by the sudden sensation. “Why didn’t you just do that? I find it more efficient.”

“Kazuki!” Manabu shoved him away.

“Ahh! What was that for?” Kazuki cried out.

Manabu couldn’t believe that Kazuki did that! H-how could he even do that?

Kazuki couldn’t believe what he did. He was being very impulsive, but it felt right. Right after another he felt he had to do it. He was embarrassed that Manabu wiped his mouth, but he wanted to return that romantic feeling to Manabu. Was it so wrong?

Manabu awkwardly continued to eat while Kazuki watched him. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Manabu. If he did, he felt Manabu would disappear and never come back.

After what seemed like forever, Manabu finally finished eating. Kazuki excitedly dumped the garbage into the trashcan after waiting for a long time. Manabu observed Kazuki and his movements. Although the dinner was quite awkward, it was almost as if that was the beginning of this… supposed first date.

“Hey, want to take a quick race across the beach?” Kazuki took out his hand.

Kazuki was lending him his hand. Could it mean something more? Manabu slowly placed his hand in Kazuki’s. Kazuki couldn’t believe the softness of Manabu’s skin. He didn’t want to let it go. The moment their palms touched, Kazuki gripped onto it pulling Manabu off the bench, and dragging him along. “Come on, Manabu!” 

“Ahh! Kazuki!” Manabu hollered.

They raced down the beach in the middle of the night. Manabu thought Kazuki was a fucking idiot, but he couldn’t deny that this free feeling of the sea salt gust slicing on his skin lifted heavy burdens off of his shoulders. Kazuki’s hand holding his… He gripped onto it to make sure he wouldn’t fall behind.

“Wait! Kazuki! Stop it! I need to catch my breath.” Manabu stopped him and stood for a moment to catch his breath.

“Geez, Manabu. You’re tired already? Let me carry you then!” Kazuki crazily offered.

“What?” Manabu’s eyes widened. “No! Don’t-!”

But it was too late. Kazuki already came from behind and scooped him up bridal style. Manabu loudly gasped. He was highly abashed being in this position. He was a man. Not a woman! “Kazuki, you idiot! Let me go!”

“Ready! Let’s go!” Kazuki dashed like mad.

Manabu wrapped his arms around Kazuki’s neck and buried his face into Kazuki’s chest. He couldn’t bear to let the sand get into his face. Not to mention, his heart was pumping faster and faster with each passing second.

“Woohooo!” Kazuki hollered like a little child.

As Kazuki sprinted across the beach, Manabu sniffed Kazuki’s seductive, strong cologne. If he wasn’t fucking scared at the moment, he might have asked Kazuki why he wore this particular one. Manabu actually liked this scent on Kazuki.

When Kazuki stopped in front of the banks, Manabu still had his face buried into Kazuki’s chest. For a moment, Kazuki’s own blood boiled at the sight. His entire body grew hot as if he was having a fever. Manabu hugging onto him… He never experienced this type of warmth… even when he was with that person before.

“Manabu, it’s already over.” Kazuki shook him a little.

“Ahh! Don’t do that!” Manabu scolded at him. Kazuki chuckled upon seeing Manabu’s frightened face. 

“You scared me half to death. Don’t ever do that to me again.” Manabu demanded.

“Oooh, but it would be no fun if I didn’t.” Kazuki smirked. He directed Manabu’s attention to the sea. “Look. Isn’t the view beautiful?”

Manabu turned his view towards the sea. The rolling ocean waves peacefully lapped the shore while small little critters crawled around the clear water and soft sand. “Hey, want to take a swim?”

“What? No! I didn’t bring my swimsuit to wear.” Manabu refused.

“Hrm. Oh, well. Too late. I’m carrying you so I say let’s go.” Kazuki grinned.

Manabu gasped. “No!! Let go of me! Put me down!”

Without listening to what Manabu had to say, Kazuki recklessly started to speed down into the ocean. Manabu gasped holding onto Kazuki for dear life. No! He was going to get wet!

Kazuki accidentally lost his foot in the water over some rock and fell forward.

“Ahhh!!” 

“Kazuki!!!”

Manabu lost his grip on Kazuki and was splashed into the salty water. Shit! He quickly raised himself up to the surface only to find himself completely soaked from head to toe. Goddammit. He was going to kill Kazuki later!

He heard Kazuki come up to the surface and stand up as well. “Oops. I lost my footing.”

“Great. Now we’re both wet.” Manabu frowned at him.

Kazuki was standing a short distance away from Manabu. Hrm, ooh! He knew exactly what to do. He started to spray some water on Manabu. Manabu glared over at Kazuki. First carrying him and now this? Fine! He wasn’t going to lose against Kazuki.

“Take this!” Manabu sprayed splatters of water all over Kazuki.

“Ahhh! Nooo! That’s cheating!” Kazuki screamed like a girl.

“Too bad!” Manabu smiled.

The two of them sprayed water all over each other and even scurried out of the water on the sand. Manabu had to catch Kazuki so he could win! As Manabu chased Kazuki down on the shore, he realized he had to think of a way to slow Kazuki down. Damn. If he didn’t catch Kazuki, he couldn’t ever win! Goddammit. What could he do? Shit. He hadn’t run this far since high school. And he never did well in physical education class.

For once, Kazuki was smiling and laughing. He hadn’t been able to feel this sort of alleviating emotions in such a long time. What ever happened to spending time with someone this carefree? Instead of being trapped inside of a lonely bubble?

“Hey, Kazuki, look over there!” Manabu called for his attention.

Kazuki stopped in his tracks pretending to listen to Manabu’s words. Manabu took this chance to run over towards him. Just as Manabu thought he was about to catch Kazuki, Kazuki swiftly turned around and ended up tackling Manabu to the ground. 

“Ahh! Kazuki!” Manabu coughed a bit. “That was low.”

“Hey, you were playing a dirty trick as well. Don’t think I was going to fall for that. I’ve played tag too many times to fall for that trick.” Kazuki winked.

“Huh. I thought for sure it might have worked.” Manabu sighed in disappointment.

Kazuki noticed Manabu’s sleek black hair covered in salty seawater. The sharp edges of his hair leaked of water. He pushed a strand of Manabu’s hair back behind his ear.

“What is it?” Manabu acted as calm as he could, but his heart and mind was telling him otherwise. In fact, he was panicking since his face and Kazuki’s were only inches away. Not to mention Kazuki’s breath tickled his skin. What was Kazuki doing?

Without warning, Kazuki pressed his lips against Manabu’s. Manabu was taken by surprise and refused Kazuki’s kiss at first. He never thought Kazuki’s lips could taste so satisfying. Eventually, he gave in allowing Kazuki’s tongue to slip in between his lips and to enter his mouth. Kazuki didn’t lose this chance to deepen the kiss. Manabu gripped onto Kazuki’s chest and scrunched his shirt. But Kazuki didn’t care. He cupped his hand on Manabu’s cheek to make sure he wouldn't lose his grip.

When he finally released, Manabu and Kazuki were heavily breathing. Manabu’s face was flushed while Kazuki couldn’t believe what he had done. He traced his fingers on Manabu’s cherry, red lips. He kissed someone else that… wasn’t that person. But it was irresistible. He wanted more. For some reason, the coldness around his heart faded away in that moment.

“Kazuki, you… you’re embarrassing.” Manabu shyly muttered.

Although Manabu’s kiss was a bit sloppy and novice-like, Kazuki wanted to taste its smoothness and sweetness again. He couldn’t remember any other lips as luscious as Manabu’s. Not even that person’s lips could compare.

“I am?” Kazuki caressed Manabu’s face.

“This looks wrong. We’re not even together.” Manabu lowly said.

It was true. They weren’t even together… as Manabu stated before.

“Please get off.” Manabu pleaded with him as squirmed underneath from Kazuki’s heavy weight. He didn’t want to receive some fake kiss from Kazuki because… of pity or whatever. He had no idea if Kazuki possessed the same feelings for him. Maybe he was playing with him.

“Manabu, I…” Kazuki brushed his fingers on Manabu’s brow.

Kazuki’s finger was touching his brow. He could hardly breathe from the proximity. He wished he could push Kazuki’s hand away, but his body laid still on the ground as Kazuki continued to lie on top of him. 

Kazuki wanted to say those three words. But he couldn’t. Why? He didn’t remember his first love being this hard to confess to. Did this perhaps mean a change? Something more real than before?

“Please. Don’t force yourself. I-” Manabu was about to push him off, but Kazuki cut him off.

“I took those photos.” Kazuki unexpectedly revealed. He couldn’t believe himself. What had come out of his mouth?

Manabu froze upon hearing those words. “What?”

Yeah, that was right. Manabu deserved to know that it was him. If Manabu loved his photos, then maybe he felt the same way for him. He never even told anyone this before. Could he be given the strength?

“I… I do photography in my spare time. I… I used to date someone. But after we separated ways, I didn’t know what to do with myself other than to take photos of the places we used to go.” Kazuki painfully revealed. His heart was uncomfortably throbbing. He never expected to talk about his past lover. It was the first one he ever had.

All of those sweet memories rushed back into his mind. The first date, the gift, and the first kiss they shared. It was like a nightmare coming back to haunt him. He couldn’t stand the pain. Goddammit. Why was he even mentioning this to Manabu? He would probably laugh at Kazuki for being weak hearted. He should have gotten over it days ago. Instead, it had haunted his mind for a whole year.

He couldn’t believe his ears. Kazuki… had dated someone else before?

“How come you didn’t tell anyone?” Manabu softly asked him.

Kazuki hastily got off of him, sat upright, and faced in the other direction away from Manabu. Manabu sat up noticing Kazuki’s face out of his sight. The light wind breezed against their sandy, wet bodies, and hair.

“Because… I didn’t want to worry anyone.” Kazuki’s voice shakily told him.

“Kazuki?” Manabu touched Kazuki’s shoulder and tried to turn him around, but Kazuki’s body wouldn’t budge. Dammit. “Kazuki. Kazuki.”

He was able to force Kazuki’s face to turn around and noticed the shiny, wet and silent tears slithering down Kazuki’s cheeks. The sight stunned Manabu. He never once saw Kazuki in tears. Kazuki’s eyes were filled with water.

“Kazuki? Why are you crying? Are you okay?” were the only words Manabu could coherently say.

Goddammit. Why was he bursting into tears? Manabu wasn’t supposed to see him like this.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Kazuki turned the rest of his body facing Manabu while wiping off his tears with his sandy arms. 

Kazuki managed to crack a smile and say in his jocular tone, “My eye itches. All of this water infected… my eye.”

Manabu grabbed Kazuki forcing him to stop wiping his tears off. Kazuki slowly blinked his eyes hoping more tears wouldn’t fall, but the shards continued to cascade down his cheek. Kazuki attempted to pull his arms back hoping that Manabu would let go, but Manabu wouldn’t release his arms. Goddammit, Manabu had to grip him at the wrist!

“For someone who never exercises, you certainly… have lots of man power.” Kazuki tried to keep his optimistic, cheery tone, but it was faltering.

“Well, I am a man, for your information.” Manabu sarcastically responded to Kazuki.

“Hrm…” Kazuki frowned. He might have laughed at Manabu’s dry joke, but he wasn’t particularly in a jolly mood.

Manabu couldn't comprehend as to why Kazuki kept on trying to wear this happy façade. “Dammit, Kazuki. If you need to cry, then go ahead. I won’t laugh at you.”

“What? I’m not crying.” Kazuki openly denied.

“Kazuki! I see the tears. Stop lying already.” Manabu was frustrated with Kazuki feigning his jolliness. “Release all of that sorrow buried deep within your heart.”

Kazuki moved his arm forward as his hands cupped Manabu’s cheeks. He knew exactly how to do it. “Okay. If you say so.”

Manabu gasped when Kazuki leaned his head closer to his. “Kazuki-”

Kazuki crushed his lips onto Manabu’s. Kazuki didn’t waste any time slipping his tongue inside of Manabu’s mouth. Kazuki interlaced his own tongue with Manabu’s and touched the roof his mouth. He wrapped one of his arms around Manabu and tightened his grip on the left side of Manabu’s waist. Manabu jerked, but Kazuki held a tight grip on him. Kazuki was zealously kissing him and releasing all of these confusing emotions into it. He tried to reciprocate, but Kazuki was taking most of the control. Manabu contorted his face. All of this uncomfortable pain was invading his heart. Manabu violently pulled apart from the kiss and was panting for breath. “Kazuki… you…”

Kazuki pulled Manabu in and deeply kissed his lips again without letting him finish. Manabu gripped onto Kazuki’s arms to get him to stop, but Kazuki deepened the kiss. Manabu broke the kiss by losing his balance as he fell forward onto Kazuki. Luckily, Kazuki was able to catch him in his arms when he felt flat on his back against the soft sand.

“You idiot. I meant to release your tears. Not kiss me.” Manabu scolded at him.

When he tried to get up, Kazuki embraced his arms around Manabu.

“Kazuki, let me go. I want to sit up.” Manabu protested.

He couldn’t believe Manabu didn’t laugh or ridicule him when he was in tears. He rubbed Manabu’s back. He released everything into the kisses he gave Manabu. Everything. Happiness, sadness, passion and anything else floating around in his heart…

“Manabu, I’m sorry.”

He was glad that Manabu was putting up with his selfishness at the moment. He really needed it.

“For what?”

Kazuki didn’t answer right away, but continued to hug him. He sensed hesitation from Kazuki. He had to do his best to support Kazuki and get Kazuki to tell him what was plaguing him. He slowly returned Kazuki’s hug by wrapping his arms around Kazuki’s neck and patted him on the shoulders. Manabu felt Kazuki’s muscles loosen. “It’s okay to tell me whatever it is.”

“You sure?” Kazuki dubiously questioned Manabu.

“I’m sure.” Manabu reassured him.

Even after Manabu supported him, Kazuki still stayed silence. Manabu was about to speak, but Kazuki’s voice beat him to it.

“You see… After my partner and I broke up, I was afraid to love again.” Kazuki explained his ultimate fear.

“How come?”

“Because my partner…” Kazuki thought about that day.

He was coming home from work late that night. He expected his partner to be at his apartment waiting for him. He even brought flowers to apologize. But when he opened the door, he saw another person smooching his partner… The sight devastated him. For once, he thought his life had lost its existence. It had lost its purpose.

“My partner loved someone else. Not me.” Kazuki faltered a little, but he kept his upbeat tone. “For days on end, I didn’t know what I did wrong. I put everything into the relationship. To this day, I am not sure. Maybe I wasn’t a good enough person.”

“Kazuki.” Manabu gently stroked his soft black hair with red streaks. “Don’t ever say that about yourself. You’re a very handsome and funny person.”

The compliments escaping from Manabu’s mouth astonished Kazuki. Even after all of those days, Kazuki pissed him off, he could still say those words with a good, even tone?

“Isn’t love about trust?” Kazuki broke the soft silence.

“Yeah.” Manabu responded to him.

“Because of this idea, I thought… how am I supposed to trust someone again? I couldn’t. I didn’t want to experience that kind of pain of being helpless, inferior, and meaningless.” 

Most of all, Kazuki didn’t want to be heartbroken and unloved. Manabu knew the implicit meanings behind his sentence. 

“You found solace in the photos then?”

Manabu seemed to understand him well. He didn’t have to say anything for his emotions to be understood.

Kazuki released his arms from Manabu as Manabu sat upright in front of him. Kazuki’s head faced the endless ocean rippling onto the shores. Manabu didn’t dare take his eyes off of Kazuki.

“It was the only way I could express myself without drowning in sorrow.” Kazuki solemnly spoke up. “I ended up taking pictures of the cherry blossom trees and the city nightlife. It was the three places we spent the most time together including the beach.”

Manabu twiddled with his thumbs. Did this mean Kazuki was planning to never love again? “What are you going to do now?”

“What do you mean?” Kazuki directed his attention back at Manabu.

“What are you going to do with your feelings? Are you going to remain alone forever?”

Was he going to remain alone forever?

“I couldn’t… even if I wanted to.” Kazuki vaguely answered.

“What do you mean?” Manabu didn’t understand what he meant.

Kazuki slipped his fingers into Manabu’s and curled it up. Manabu gazed at Kazuki’s hand. It was a little bit bigger than his. Actually, it was a little bit stronger than his. Such strong physical physique that could have warded off anything. Yet he couldn’t thwart off those itching emotions.

“Manabu…”

He hesitated whether he should confess to Manabu about his real feelings. Instead, different words came out of his mouth. “I’m glad that I could tell someone my feelings without being laughed at.”

Manabu was disheartened when he heard those words. He was expecting Kazuki to confess. But he didn’t. So Kazuki didn’t have feelings for him after all. Who was he trying to kid?

“I’m glad I could help you.” Manabu uttered doing his best to hide his disappointment. He wasn’t sure how he should take this moment. Kazuki was playing with him right now? Or was he being for real? He couldn’t differentiate.

“Manabu, can I ask you something?” Kazuki blinked his seductive eyes straight at Manabu.

“What?”

“Do you love me?” Kazuki took him by surprise by bluntly popping the question.

Manabu’s face grew tomato red. How could Kazuki have the nerve to ask him such a question?! “W-why do you want to know?”

“Because I want to know if you feel the same for me as I feel for you.” Kazuki indirectly hinted at his feelings.

Manabu’s heart skipped a beat. Was this true? Did Kazuki truly feel the same way for him? He was filled with joy and elation. It was almost like a dream come true.

“What if I said yes?”

Kazuki smiled and said, “Then I would say the same, silly.”

“Me silly? If anything, you’re the silly one.” Manabu pointed his finger at him.

“Hey, just because I like to play pranks on people, doesn’t make me silly.” Kazuki defended himself with a playful frown on his face.

“Yes, it does.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Fine. I’ll concede, but first…” Kazuki held on Manabu’s chin and kissed him.

Manabu tried to part, but Kazuki dragged his entire body close to his. He wouldn’t let Manabu escape. This overwhelming feeling invaded Manabu’s heart. Kazuki’s tongue forcefully entered his mouth and intertwined with his own. When Kazuki parted, Manabu was heavily breathing. He was about to scold Kazuki, but Kazuki put his finger over Manabu’s lips. At first, Kazuki lightly kissed him mainly sucking on his lips, but it soon turned into a passionate kiss. The kisses started out slow, but the kisses became more erratic as Kazuki hastened the speed. Manabu could hardly keep up with him.

Never before had he kissed someone much less do this kind of intense kissing. When Kazuki finally stopped, he leaned his nose against Manabu’s.

“Did you like it?” Kazuki pecked his nose.

He immensely blushed from the affectionate actions that Kazuki was openly showing.

“I…” Manabu heavily breathed. “I’ve never done that before.”

“So I’m your first? Yay!” Kazuki giddily clapped his hands.

“Kazuki… does this mean…?” Manabu stared at him wondering if Kazuki would say those three words.

Being with Manabu, Kazuki realized he forgot his fears of trusting someone. He felt he could place one hundred percent trust in Manabu. Manabu always had his back. He never once laughed at him and tried to honestly get to know him. He knew Manabu didn’t just like him for the way he looked or because of who he was. Manabu truly liked him for being… himself. Even though Manabu disliked his silly antics, he wouldn’t mind spending long periods of time with a quiet, serious Manabu. He was glad Manabu could put up with him.

He lifted his other hand and stroked through Manabu’s hair. “Of course, Manabu.”

Kazuki held onto Manabu’s cheek. Those luscious red, cherry lips were calling out to him. He slowly closed his eyes and gently kissed Manabu. The moment Manabu reciprocated, Kazuki deepened the kiss. Manabu jerked back a little, but Kazuki already had a tight handle so he couldn’t dart out of his grasp.

“I love you.” Kazuki whispered into his ear and lightly kissed it.

Manabu flinched from Kazuki’s action as his face burned red. Kazuki turned Manabu around and wrapped his arm around Manabu’s waist pulling him in closer. Manabu couldn’t believe it. His back leaned on Kazuki’s soaked shirt and muscular chest while Kazuki’s chin rested on his shoulder. Manabu bashfully agreed, “Me too.”

“Do you think I could be given the honor to be with you and hold your hand?” Kazuki anxiously asked him.

“I…” Manabu paused in his word. Kazuki was actually asking him to date for real? This couldn’t be happening.

“I know I had someone else before, but… It’s different this time. And after all that I’ve told you… I think we could work out.” Kazuki pecked Manabu’s cheek. “At least you could give us a chance.”

Manabu was startled by Kazuki’s action. He had been dying for Kazuki to ask him. Manabu took his own arms and rested it on top of Kazuki latching his own hands with Kazuki’s. “I’ve… I’ve been waiting too long for you to ask me. You’re too slow.”

Kazuki chuckled as he remembered his reverie back at his own apartment the other day. “I’ll be faster next time, Manabu-chan.”

“Ah, don’t call me that!” Manabu embarrassingly scolded him.

“Why? We’re officially dating and you're my boyfriend!” Kazuki nonchalantly stated.

“Y-you idiot. It still doesn’t give you the right.” Manabu rolled his eyes.

“Oh, I know a better one. Bu-chan.” Kazuki purposely stated as his face immensely blushed.

“No, I don’t like that either.” Manabu protested.

“Okay. Squirtle-chan, then.” Kazuki leaned his head on Manabu’s.

“What? I am not a Squirtle!” Manabu objected to Kazuki’s childish idea.

“Aww, but I think it’s cute, Squirtle-chan.” Kazuki pecked Manabu’s cheek. “You can always call me Char-chan.”

“I think you’re fine just being called Kazuki.” Manabu shockingly said.

“Okay, Manabu-chan.” Kazuki tightened his grip around Manabu’s waist. He was quite elated upon hearing those words. It only meant Manabu liked him the way he was.

A moment of the howling wind and the pounding ocean echoed in their ears. Kazuki shifted his eyes towards Manabu. From the first day he met the stern guitarist, he hardly believed himself. The exciting and thrilling joy leaping around in his heart… This was real love, wasn’t it?

Manabu never imagined this day would come… sitting here with Kazuki and holding hands… officially dating. Kazuki knew he would make this time right and make Manabu be his lover for life. He would do everything in his power to make it right.

As they cuddled up on the sandy beach, they gazed at the vast, spacious ocean before them. They sat there for hours on end during the night. They almost forgot about their surroundings only taking in each other’s warmth. Even as the night’s wind breezed upon them, they were caught within each other grasps; trapped in a world of their own because the night was certainly theirs to remember.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was my first fanfic exchange, and I think it shows, lol. Nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoyed trying to write something half-decent and fun to read. It did get a bit angsty, but it was written in the spirit of Valentine's Day, so happy ending for all XD 
> 
> Nonetheless, it is thanks to this story that they became one of my favorite pairings to write. I think when Valentine Day's rolls around again, I would love to write this lovely pairing again <3
> 
> Constructive criticisms and comments are greatly appreciated!


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